At the recent Oscars Ceremony, host Ellen De Generes went out in the audience with pizza for everyone (well, everyone famous who was sitting in the front) as part of the show. Most people chuckled, but I winced. Why would I shudder at the idea of pizza during the fanciest night in Hollywood? THE DRESS PEOPLE, THE DRESS!
Every woman has fantasized at least once what it would be like to get all dressed up and go to a fabulous event like that one. But let's be real here, getting all dolled up kind of blows. Really, the amount of time spent doing hair and makeup, let alone the stress of trying to put your "two-baby body" into something meant for "pubescent pretty girls with premature Botox" is daunting at best. The time denying myself food and working out just to feel at my most dress-worthy is time I could have spent happily eating Thin Mints in my sweatpants. So if I'm going to go through ALL of that drama to look great for my big night, what's the worst thing someone could offer me?
Pizza.
And if you don't take the pizza, you're a jerk, right? But what about the greasy spill that is bound to happen across the front of your Vivienne Westwood or Valentino? And the cheesy paunch that would poke out of your Spanx just as your name was called for the grand prize? Or the lipstick smudge that would be across your chin after taking a bite of the greasy goodness? It's a LOSE LOSE proposition, in my book. And of course, most other days of the year it wouldn't matter. But on that day? The Oscars? Those ladies were set up to fail.